As you all know, this is my place to release what’s on my mind. I wanted to do something a little different and write about my thoughts… in a spoken word genre. I am sensitive about my shit, so I hope you enjoy. Hopefully I will be performing this one in the near future.
I am a man…
Have been one (in my mind) since the age of 17…
Since graduating high school… (with honors)
Utilizing the tips and tools
Instilled in me
To pursue a higher education degree.
I checked that accomplishment off life’s checklist by God’s Glorious Grace!
And let me tell you, it is only by God’s grace that I made it…
Through nursing school…
Through blood, sweat, tears, urine, feces, vomit… and 97% of it wasn’t even my own.
But what can I say, nursing is a wonderful career.
I am able to heal others… I just can’t forget about myself…
People ask me how do I do it and I say…
Saving lives is not just the job of Jesus…
Doctors, Nurses… He uses all of us
To keep someone alive
And that is why I strive
To do my best to help my patients fix their problems.
No matter the situations or outcomes…
But sometimes I get tired y’all!
What do men do when we get tired?
What do I do when no one can tell
That I am the one who is not doing well.
I am blessed to travel the world
And see countries that I have never seen before.
I am working in a career that I love and adore…
I am blessed
I am blessed
I am blessed
…But I also get stressed!
I am often overwhelmed by my daily responsibilities…
Ensuring the physical, emotional, and mental safety of my people… Protection.
Contributing to the financial, emotional, and daily needs of my household… Active Partnership.
Being a positive role model in my community, pouring out love into everyone I meet… being my brother’s keeper… A Mentor.
Acting with honesty, integrity, accountability, and emotional maturity… Grown Man Energy.
Yeaaaah…
But often controlling a massive amount of anger…
And I am telling you… there is danger…
When a man experiences irritability, emotional numbness, brain fog, and mental fatigue…
Sometimes it is like we are out of our league…
We carry the weight of the world… like boulders…
On our backs and shoulders.
A tremendous talk to have undergone…
But we can’t be detached, even when we want to be withdrawn.
And everyone is always so happy to see me!
“Can you…”
“I need you to…”
“When will you be able to…”
But never a “I FEEL you.”
“You are so full of life” they profess…
When often I am just an empty vessel… nevertheless
You can’t pour life into someone when you…
Are never being poured into.
Baby, it’s the inner wounds that people can’t see
That almost damaged me completely.
Grown men are not even supposed to shed tears when we are sad!
And forget about being mad!
Blame it on a long-standing cultural deep conditioning
Equating masculinity with the ability
To suppress emotions in order to maintain the image of safety and control.
I am often told,
It is a social stigma
A cot-damned enigma
As to why male vulnerability is seen as a weakness.
But I’ll be DAMNED if I reduce
my natural human response
To sadness, pain, and misuse…
And subject my mental health to abuse.
Oh yeah, I am a good man.
Myself and my husband tell me so every day.
I am a good person, through and through…
Even on my worst days.
I just wish being a good person
Came with a hefty pay raise.
Because you can always depend on a good man.
I will supply your wants and needs, a good man…
Will give you all that he has…
The good times will surely surpass the bad…
Because of God’s Grace and Mercy.
But don’t forget to check on ME!
Don’t forget to check on me friend!
I am strong, but sometimes I need it…
Validation..
Support…
Respect…
Because sometimes the road has plenty of twists and turns.
Seems like I’m never traveling the straight road… never stalling…
Surely it means that my life has a higher calling.
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