When you have been hurt by the person that you loved the most, how do you get through the bitterness, the pain, the madness! We all have experienced hurt in some form, whether it is break ups, divorce, death, infidelity… whatever that hurt may be. During the storm (I am going to call it the storm because the sun does eventually come back out), you may feel like all is lost, you may be feeling resentment, acrimony… you may be feeling… RAGE. I just want you to know that all of these feelings are valid! Your feelings are absolutely valid. But there are ways to better get through and over this obstacle in your path to self-fulfillment. I am going to share with you a few jewels that have helped me get through some of the most complex hurt I’ve ever experienced. Just keep reading.
Allow yourself to grieve. Think about it, you are experiencing a loss of something that you are used to! You HAVE to release the pain, the anguish in whatever form it materializes, whether it is crying, going to the gym and hitting the punching bag (look up the word endorphins). There are so many different ways to grieve, and each way helps you to heal in a different way, and eventually come to acceptance. Whatever the constructive outlet, allow it to happen and don’t hold all of it inside because it will slowly eat away at you until there is nothing left. I have seen it happen many times.
Accept your hurt, but don’t blame yourself especially if you didn’t do anything wrong. Also you need to think about how you may have contributed (raising your voice, arguing, getting physical, neglecting the other person’s feelings…) to the hurt. Don’t let your pride get in the way of self reflection. You may feel surrounded in a blanket of bitterness, but it is really blocking you from seeing the light of happiness. With hurt comes healing, and it is through the healing that something becomes stronger.
Don’t dwell on the past. As hard as this can be, I would surround myself with positivity, positive close friends, do the things that bring you happiness, as often as you can. You will recover. Just give it time. Time heals all wounds.
Prioritize yourself. Focus on loving on yourself more than hating the person who hurt you. Hating that person is not going to do you any good. You are just going to continue to feel miserable. Shift your focus on being happy, thinking happy thoughts, doing more self care, and letting go of the negative energy of hate and resentment.
Focus on the lesson that was learned and don’t let that person control your happiness. It is really up to you in the end how much you let things impact you. Always remember that YOU have the ability to make yourself happy. You just have to be less dependent on others and grow in your self confidence. If we can examine our mistakes and misfortunes constructively, then most likely, we will not make the same mistakes again. We will find alternative ways to prevent the misfortune from happening again.
Accept the things that you can not change. This is hard. Do not let the hurt stop you from living your life and loving again. An important takeaway from being hurt is that you can really pinpoint your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and how to navigate them and own them. Distance yourself from that person to allow ample time to process your feelings. Never act immediately and give yourself time to “cool off” because you never want to do something you will regret because your judgement was clouded.
Please remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws, and this is the reason why we get hurt and hurt those that we love. No, it will not be easy to let go of the feeling, but you have to put trust in your gut and your heart. Eventually the hurt will dull and go away in time, and you will have a testimony for GROWTH.
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