Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the most important skill/goal in a love relationship. That main skill that I want to talk about today is good communication. Communication is probably the number one barrier to overcome in most relationships. Lets face it, we all are different, and we communicate how we feel differently. So it would help greatly if we knew, when it comes to love, what are the different styles of communication, and how to successfully convey what you and your significant other want and need… but before I get started, I just want you to know that what I am saying is strictly my opinion. I am not a relationship expert, therapist, or a psychologist. I have read several articles on Love Languages, and I am just stating my opinion on what I read… full disclosure. Maybe it could help you or inspire you to communicate more efficiently with your partner.
So, I want to focus on the different ways that there are to express and receive love. The experts call these ways of communicating, love languages, and they are:
Words of affirmation
Acts of Service
As we all know, everyone has different ways that they like to receive love from their significant other, but at the same time, everyone communicates love in different ways, and it can be aggravating as hell sometimes, I admit. You may be communicating your love in the way you think is necessary, but your partner may not receive it like you think they should.
From what I have read, the 5 different love languages all have different values.
Those who value Gifts really appreciate visual symbols of your love for them. A lot of times, it does not have to even be a valuable gift that you buy for them, it is the thought behind the gift that matters the most to them. These people really value the careful consideration, the purposeful choosing of the gift, and the emotion they experience from receiving the gift.
Those who value Words of Affirmation really value verbal words of affection. Frequent compliments, words of appreciation, words of encouragement, and simply saying “I love you” will make them feel accepted and admired.
Those who value Acts of Service really appreciate when their partner goes out of their way to do things for them. They appreciate the coffee waiting for them in the morning, making a favorite dinner or desert just because. When they have had a busy day at work, they love to come home to the dishes washed, the laundry folded. Basically they really value the actions more than the words and value being shown how they are loved and admired.
Those who value Quality Time feel appreciated when their lover wants to spend time with them. They particularly love it when their lover pays attention to them, gives them eye contact, and actively listens to them. They basically want your undivided attention when spending time together… no TV, phone, etc.
Those that value Physical Touch, feel very much loved when they are cuddling, kissing, holding hands, making love, and other physical signs of affection. These acts really strengthens the intense emotional bond with their lover. The feeling of comfort and protection and warmth that comes with physical touch is extremely important to them.
Knowing your partner’s love language and YOUR OWN love language is important because I feel it deepens and strengthens a relationship mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Take a look at the chart below for a quick summary of the communication style and the necessary actions of the 5 love languages.
I have also included a “Love Language” Quiz that could help you to determine your method. The instructions are simple. Read the following statements and note the ones that “speak to you” deeply. Try to answer these questions: What can your partner do to or for you daily? How do you show love? What is a big complaint in your relationship? The section with the most statements noted is your primary love language. If there are 2 sections that are tied, eliminate the choices that you can live without and keep the choices that are absolutely paramount.
You feel the most loved and adored when you receive a gift from your significant other. You appreciate the gift, but it is the thought behind the gift that really matters to you. The gift gives you validation that your partner was thinking about you, and this makes you love them even more.
Surprise gifts are the BEST! The more thought your partner puts into a gift, the better and more sentimental the gift is to you. Meaningful gifts really strengthens your love for your significant other.
You love to celebrate birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries with an extra special present. Those days can serve as great reminders of your commitment to each other.
You feel like you are cared for, and your partner sees you when they get you a gift.
After dates or trips, you bring home special souvenirs that you can look at and remember the special moments that the two of you had together.
Words of Affirmation
You feel recognized and gratified when your partner tells you “thank you” after you do something nice for them.
You feel appreciated when you are being acknowledged and your partner praises you. When your partner recognizes you with kind words, no matter how big or small the task you did, you feel valued.
When your partner notices the small details and complements you on them, you feel cherished… especially when you change your hair, when you shave, or when you wear something that looks nice. It lets you know that they are paying attention to you.
You feel loved and treasured when your partner takes the time to reflect deeply and tell you that they really appreciate something positive they noticed you doing.
You can not get enough of hearing your partner tell you that they love you. You gain a reassurance every time they tell you.
Acts of Service
When you are stressed or tired, your partner steps up to the plate and does something to take away your burden. This small act makes you feel very well taken care of and loved because they want to share your load.
You are an “Actions speak louder than words” type of person, and love when you partner shows you how they feel about you by their what they do for you.
You feel at ease and at peace when your partner supports you by helping with house chores and little small tasks.
It means a lot when your partner follows through with an action, especially if they were listening/paying attention and they stepped in to help. Trust flows freely the more this happens.
You love when your partner steps in and does the little things to make your life that much easier.
Sharing new experiences with your partner is super important to you. The memories and special moments together make you love them even more.
You feel adored when your partner takes time out of their schedule to include time for you. You don’t want them to cancel plans, you want to be a part of the plan.
You crave spending uninterrupted time together with your partner with no distractions. This is your time to enjoy each other’s company without the TV, cell phone, etc.
Time together is something not to be taken for granted, and it is so important to cherish each second together you spend with your partner.
You feel safe, secure, content, and happy when you around your partner, even if you are not really doing anything but sitting on the cough with each other.
Making love with your partner makes you feel closer to them.
You love public displays of affection because it makes you feel wanted.
You look forward to your partner’s hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Nothing beats physical intimacy.
You feel your relationship is firm when you can request physical affection or it is given freely and randomly without any questions.
When you are sitting beside your partner, you would rather be cuddling with them. Having a hand on their leg or their hand on your leg is like second nature, especially while driving in the car.
To conclude, Love Languages are an extremely important means of communication between you and your significant other, and it is important to understand your significant other’s love language. It is important to recognize that this is not the ONLY solution for happiness in a relationship. Understanding your love language and your partner’s love language should function as a enhancement to your love journey, to appreciate each other in the most profound of ways and to grow in love more deeply.